I honestly don’t even know why I’m writing about these dolts. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
But these two little stories were just so asinine that I had to share them.
First up, Spencer Pratt has decided to legally change his name. No, he’s not taking the Jay Mohr-Cox route and taking his wife Heidi’s last name. Nope, he’s doing one better than that.
Spencer Pratt is legally changing his name to King Spencer Pratt.
This is obviously another shameless publicity stunt, and I’m a bit annoyed I’m playing into it by talking about it. But geez, is there no end to Spencer Pratt’s ridiculousness?
“I’ve decided since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William that there should be a king of America,” he said. “I nominate myself for that role.”
While her husband is off stroking his ego, Heidi Montag is busy preparing to ruin the world even more by contemplating procreation.
Oddly enough, we are not the only ones who cringe at the mere thought of a Speidi spawn – apparently King Spencer Pratt isn’t too keen on the idea either.
Of course, being the mature person Spencer Pratt is, he’s threatening divorce if Heidi gets pregnant.
“What happens if she does [get pregnant]? I told her there’s a divorce or adoption,” Spencer, 26, tells MTV News. “If she’s not down with the adoption, I think it’s divorce.”
“I’m a baby. I’m not prepared,” the small screen villain continued. “And I’m not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt spawn.”
“Heidi is, like, trying to have a baby like it’s going to buy a new pair of Louis Vuittons,” he said. “She’s really ready to start this family. She’s not playing. And that’s what I’m saying — you can’t sneak a baby.”
Wow, that’s got to be the most rational thing I’ve ever hear Spencer Pratt say.
Heidi, on the other hand, is living on her own planet – she’s ready for a baby whether Spencer likes it or not.
“I think I’m ready,” Heidi gushed to MTV News. “I think I was born ready. I’m very maternal. I’m very loving. I would be the best mom ever. [Spencer doesn’t feel] quite the same, but maybe he just doesn’t know he wants kids yet. I think he never wants kids, but maybe I’ll have a surprise for him.”
Oh yeah Heidi, that sounds like a great idea. Force a baby on someone who’s making it clear he has absolutely no desire to be a father. That’s great; totally mature of you.
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m on team Spencer for this one.