It’s only Tuesday and it’s already been quite a week – starting off with a bang on Sunday when my car decided to break down while the boyfriend and I were on the freeway. There we were, driving along all nice and happy when I noticed the check engine light had come on.
“Why is my check engine light on?” I asked. “Didn’t know that it was,” the boyfriend answered.
“Why is there smoke coming out of the hood of my car?” I asked.
“Oh wow,” the boyfriend responded, and he pulled over to the side of the road.
We call AAA and they tow us to the boyfriend’s house where the two of us proceed to see what the heck is going on with my car.
Long story short, we don’t really know, and it looks like I’m without a car for a few days. Oh joy. At least the weather hasn’t been all that great the past two days so it’s not like I want to play outside. But it’s still a bummer and it’s consuming my thoughts.
I have no idea where I got this – I’m sure someone emailed it to me – but below is a list of “Larry’s Proverbs” that I found humorous and it made me laugh, and I could use a good laugh right about now. Enjoy!
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.