Lindsay Lohan Needs A New Assistant. STAT!

ATTENTION! I am moving to Los Angeles and saving Lindsay Lohan’s life by becoming her assistant.

Of course, such an act would surly end my life, but whatever – it’s just my little ol’ life. It’s not like I’m a big star like Lindsay Lohan, who the world would actually miss. Right?

Anywhoo, TMZ is reporting that now that Lindsay Lohan’s assistant up and quit on the troubled actress, she desperately needs help.

The woman who just quit Lindsay Lohan was not just an assistant — she was her lifeline — and LiLo’s friends are worried this is the beginning of a total unravel.

Friends of Lohan tell us Lindsay is going to have a hard time finding anyone reliable to sign on, and without an assistant she will never keep the appointments that could make the difference between freedom and jail.

For starters, Lindsay is legally prohibited from driving and relies on her assistant to take her here and there — including her alcohol ed courses.

We’re also told Lindsay is incredibly disorganized and can’t function without someone leading her by the nose. She seems incapable of scheduling meetings, doctor’s appointments, or work projects.

Bottom line … for us an assistant is a luxury. For Lindsay it’s make or break.


Dun-da-da-dun! Hilary Shepherd to the rescue!

Wow, I need more psychological help than I thought! Although you have to admit, working as Lindsay Lohan’s assistant would be one hell of a job!!

lindsay lohan assistant quits