Dancing With The Stars Season 13 Cast Revealed

What up, bitches?

I’ve been in and out a lot lately, but hopefully I’m back for a few days. Who knew purchasing 11 acres in the country with my boyfriend would be so time-consuming? Between hunting hornets, fixing the well so we can actually flush our toilets, and whacking the heck out of the half-dead bushes and shrubbery – not to mention the dozens of hours spent driving back and forth – my attention to gossip has suffered; and for that I apologize.

That being said, let’s get back into it!

The new cast of Dancing With The Stars has been revealed. Once again, the producers have clearly used the term “stars” lightly.

Carson Kressley, 41 – Flaming fashion guru who wants women to look good naked.

Chaz Bono, 42 – Cher and Sonny Bono’s daughter turned son. Now with facial hair!

Chynna Phillips, 43 – Member of the 90s trio Wilson Phillips. ‘Hold On’ will surely make an appearance.

David Arquette, 39 – Recently rehabbed actor and total nut case.

Elisabetta Canalis, 32 – George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend and flaunter of stupid armband tattoo.

Hope Solo, 30 – Professional soccer player. Yeah, I’ve never heard of her either.

JR Martinez, 28 – Injured U.S. war veteran turned daytime soap star. Only in America!

Kristin Cavallari, 24 – Newly single, and I’m assuming, looking to mingle.

Nancy Grace, 51 – Loud and abrasive. And leadear of the Casey Anthony lynch mob.

Ricki Lake, 42 – The original Tracy Turnblad. ‘Nough said.

Rob Kardashian, 24 – Kim Kardashian’s little brother and…um…yeah…..

Ron Artest, 31 – LA Lakers star. Recently changed his name to Metta World Peace. Seriously.

The fun begins September 19th on ABC!

dancing with the stars season 13
Top Row: Kristin Cavallari, Ron Artest, Ricki Lake, David Arquette, Chynna Phillips, Carson Kressley
Bottom Row: Rob Kardashian, Nancy Grace, Elisabetta Canalis, JR Martinez, Hope Solo, Chaz Bono
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